How One Simple Conversation Changed My Perinatal Journey

In this blog post, a mother shares how a pivotal conversation transformed her journey through preterm labor and NICU life, revealing the critical role of mental health support during challenging times.

Trigger Warning: This article discusses pregnancy loss, preterm labour, and emotional challenges during pregnancy and the NICU experience. It includes personal reflections on anxiety and the importance of mental health support.

A Rollercoaster of Emotions

Back in 2015, I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby after a previous loss. Emotions flooded in—fear, worry, renewed grief, guilt, joy, and relief—as the 12 and 20-week scans reassured us that we had reached new milestones.

However, after the 20-week scan, my partner and I faced the possibility of changing our housing circumstances. I usually snap into autopilot and plan the next steps. But this time, I struggled to cope. I felt unsettled and anxious, and the situation played on repeat in my mind.

Struggling to Cope

My partner seemed relaxed, and I often wondered, “Am I overreacting? Is this just my hormones?” At the time, I was too worried to reach out for support. Looking back, I realise it wasn’t just hormones.

Fast-forward six weeks. A family member booked us an appointment at a shop to look at prams. I found it overwhelming and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t feel happy. At the time, I didn’t feel able to communicate that to them, as they’d just think I was being silly. On the way back, I felt unwell and went into Northwick Park to be checked, only to be told I was in labour at 26 weeks.

The Unexpected Journey of a Preemie Parent

At the time, Northwick Park could only take babies in their NICU from 27 weeks, so I was rushed to Queen Charlotte’s in Hammersmith to give our little boy the best chance. He was born at 26+4 and taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). I had never met anyone with a preemie baby before; naively, I thought babies only came a few weeks early at most, not 14 weeks. It felt like I had entered a new world.

Learning to love your baby through an incubator and seeing nurses tend to your baby before you can is heartbreaking. Still, with all these emotions running through my mind, I didn’t seek help.

The Breaking Point

Every day, I drove from my home in Harrow down the North Circular and A40 to the hospital, often in tears, wiping my face before I got to the unit to spend hours watching my son. The staff were friendly, but I avoided deep conversations, sticking to polite hellos because I knew how hard it was to hold it together. One day, a nurse asked how I was.

I smiled as usual and said I was fine, but then I broke down in tears. Do you know what I blamed it on? Traffic on the A40. But let’s be honest, it wasn’t that at all. I had held myself together so much, wearing a fake smile and pretending everything was fine.

The Conversation That Changed Everything

It was the following conversation that changed everything for the better. The nurse brought me into a parent’s room to take a moment. She explained the available services, the people I could talk to, and the changes they could make to ease my stress. I expressed all my worries and concerns, and she soon reassured me that it would be okay.

Finding Support

The first thing they did was speak to the consultants to see if my son was strong enough to be transferred back to our local hospital. He was! Next, I met with one of their counsellors, who spent time with me to understand my feelings and gave me space to talk. It was a relief—no judgment, just someone to listen. Having a chance to speak, process my thoughts, and be reminded of my son’s progress helped enormously.

The counsellor may not have personally been affected by having a preterm baby, but I knew talking to her, that day in and day out, that she supported parents who were experiencing the same as me.

The Journey Continues

My son was transferred back to Northwick, just a 15-minute drive from our home. Knowing he wasn’t far away made a huge difference. Weekly, I met with a counsellor on the unit, providing the stability I needed during the unsteady NICU journey. Some days, it felt like my son’s health would progress ten steps forward, only to fall a hundred steps back.

After three months in the unit, my son was discharged and is now a thriving 8-year-old. While no medical reason was ever found for my premature labour, I sometimes wonder if my mental health may have played a role.

Preparing for Future Pregnancies

Four years later, I fell pregnant with my second. It was full of mixed emotions, but I felt more confident in my coping techniques learned through my mental health journey with my son. I knew help was always there if I needed it; all it would take was a simple first conversation. Everything went well with the pregnancy, and my daughter was born at 38 weeks, just a few weeks before the pandemic lockdown.

Embracing the Present

Now, I’m a few weeks away from having my third baby, and on my way to reaching full term again. It has been wonderful to be part of this campaign and to give back to Northwick Park for all the help they gave me, knowing that it may help a mother/ birthing person experiencing something similar to me.

The Impact of Mental Health Support

Pregnancy and being a new parent can be challenging, but they can also be the best days of your life. I used to overthink and worry that reaching out might mean I couldn’t cope or that I would be judged, but I never was, and it has made me the mum I am today. If you’re feeling anxious or worried and there seem to be more bad days than good, please chat with us.

A Simple Conversation

Like when that first nurse sat down with me, our team is here for you. Once you reach out to us, we’ll guide you through how Perinatal Mental Health services operate in Harrow and Brent. We’ll explain the referral process, listen to your concerns, and provide the reassurance you need to take that first step.

My Involvement in the Campaign

I’m the Communications and Marketing Manager at CBPlus and have been involved in various campaigns over the years. This campaign felt a bit different from the usual ones. When creating the messaging, I imagined my younger self just after having my son and wrote it in a way that would resonate with others going through similar experiences.

This campaign feels like coming full circle for me, especially as I prepare to welcome my third child in the same month my eldest son was born. I’ll be heading off on maternity leave soon, and I’m really excited to see how this project progresses. I can’t wait to hear of the number of people we’ve been able to help in Harrow and Brent. So please join us on this journey with Baby Plus You!